Twelve months
by Eomyn
Summary: From January 1994 to December 2005, from all around the world, twelve stories of life, twelve stories of emotions, twelve stories for all seasons.
1. Letters of a lost friend

**Summary: following are 12 stories put together, one for each month, little drabbles of life past and present.**

**Disclaimer: I write everything for entertainment purposes only. Don't sue me, I don't own anything, and I don't have any money.**

**I publish the first one today, as it is January 29. We follow Mac, on a little piece of her life before JAG.  
Category: tragedy/hurt/comfort. This one I wrote ten days ago, but some are very old, partially rewritten, work. **

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January 29, 1994  
On a battleship  
Off Croatian coasts

Dear Uncle Matt

I write this letter to you from our battleship, where I currently am stationed for another six weeks. With March will come the time to go back home and to law school comes, where I will finally be completing me degree. I am sorry I didn't tell you, I didn't want you to worry. I know you, Uncle Matt. You might have come back from Vietnam with the Medal of Honor around your neck, but you still worry for me when I am in the middle of a warzone.

Thirteen days ago, a good friend of mine had his 28th birthday. It was the sole happy even here, in a world full of chaos, lost in the middle of a war. We had to celebrate, even if he didn't want to, all reunited to the officer's wardroom, with a cake and small, handmade presents. It had been a time to relax, to remember why we were here in the first place. I think he knew we all needed it, so he let us have a little bit of down, laughing time at his expense. This war is getting on our nerves, with everything we see out there, everything happening in that bloody part of the world.

Today, my friend died a hero. He received shrapnel, saving all our lives. Coming out of nowhere, just because he felt he had to, he protected us from an explosion on the road. We had all been there, in that uncomfortable ride. He had always been the designated driver, and we all knew that sometimes he loved it, and sometimes he hated it. Today, I think love won. He never was the easiest to deal with, but in his big heart there was a mountain of love for what he was doing, and for the people he was doing it with. He never knew how to deal with it, but we all knew he had it in him.

He always had a knack for discerning things, thinking in advance, feeling things how they really were. Thinking outside the box had never settled as well with him as it had with us, but he was proud to be the sixth member of our extraordinary little team. Today, he proved it all. He saw something on the road, and stopped our truck. Signaling the rest of us not to more, he stepped out, directing his steps towards the side of the road. We all watched him, approaching that small bump we could barely see. I think before he even had time to think, he just knew what he had to do. What he wanted to do. It wasn't rational. His innate instincts had come to life again. He reacted as someone who couldn't see the team he was a part of get hurt. I think he knew he was condemned. I saw him look at something on the ground, back to us, a mixed look of horror and understanding distorting his features.

He protected us, yelling to get out and behind the truck. I don't think he realized what he was doing, or what was really happening. He just did it out of friendship, out of loyalty, out of love. He just reacted, did what needed to be done. I followed his orders, and got the team out. We were a team. All officers, of similar rank, with various responsibilities, like logistics, nutrition, administration, training, plus our commanding officer. He was like our liaison. And he did what he did best. He made sure everything was in order, losing his life for it. We never really got to thank him for everything he had done in the past and present.

We all got back safely. I had designated myself to take the wheel, still in shock. We told the story, and our commanding officer made sure it was being reported through proper channels. We made sure he was properly recognized for his act of heroism, even if a medal for his call of conscience, beyond and above the line of duty, was the only thing we could do, now. He was our friend, my friend, of this uncertain but strong friendship that could have blossomed into a profound link along those lines, had he not been gone so soon.

The six of us had become a really tight team really fast, and we lost one of our own. I'll never regret accepting this three months opportunity to replace another Marine in the middle of my last year at law school, because of the friends I met, and the fair and concerned commanding officer we had. I know we will never see each other again, on the outside, once those months are over. I also know sometimes, I will think about them, and remember those happy, living, times.

For once in my life, I don't feel like I should be afraid of writing like this, Uncle Matt. I think that you will not be mad at me, or disappointed in receiving those few lines, because what I need right now is my family around, and not just the tough Marine, ready to do everything for his beliefs. I don't really write like the Marine I am, but it is all new to me. I had never lost a fiend to combat before. I hope to see you when I return, Uncle Matt. I really miss you, on the other side of the world.

I love you, Uncle Matt. I will see you soon.

Mac.

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**See you next month, with Harm and **_**Letters of a new life**_**, on February 23. Any thoughts?**


	2. Letters of a new life

**I had completely forgotten that I had a new piece to get out tonight! With one outing a month, this is a story I don't want to be late on. After the wonderful response to the first letter (I thank you all so, so much by the way), I'm afraid this might disappoint you, and for that, I am sorry. I wrote a series of important milestones, and I think this is one. **

**

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**

_February 23, 1995_

Burnett residence  
Harm's room  
La Jolla, California

It arrived on the mail this morning. It was a day like every other, at the end of winter in California. The temperatures were beginning to warm up, and I felt like every other day. Happy to be home, and scared about where I was going to go next. I had graduated not that long ago, and my first assignment had been a temporary one, a replacement. This time, I was supposed to wait for my new, permanent one.

When I was flying, I never had any trouble with any deployment. I was happy to go abroad, see new territories and countries, visit the world from the sky. Everything was always temporary. I had never been stuck, nor did I ever ask for any land assignment, as I was too happy and too eager to finally discover one where I would be on the same ship with my best friend. Well, my best friends. Keeter, I'm sure you heard the stories of our common deployments, almost a decade ago. You however, I never had that chance. I never told myself that I could meet you, by chance, in the officer's wardroom, or in the mess. That, I always missed. I wanted to be closer to you, and you know that. It was one dream we had together. One dream, I think, that will never happen. Four years after my ramp strike, I I'm not getting on deployments anymore. My previous career as a pilot took care of the two mandatory tours for me. Too bad, yeah, I know. Legal and Crypto departments have more in common. Maybe one day, Diane. Maybe, one day.

I was thinking about my future place every day. I wanted to stay in my country. I could have been sent in Europe, in Japan, and in many other places. Even Pearl Harbor was too far away for me. I just wanted to stay here. Near Miramar, near my friends and family. I needed them a lot, especially since my dream had been robbed from me.

When I saw the envelope, I instantly knew that was it. Today, February 23, 1995, I would know where the Navy wanted me to spend the next few years of my life. I could ask for a transfer if I wanted to, but I was stuck somewhere still unknown for at least two years.

I opened the envelope, scared to death. I didn't want to do it, I wanted to keep it sealed, and be able to say that I never saw it, in case it gave me bad news.

Unfortunately, it was a luxury I could not afford.

At least, I still had a few days off. I had no idea when I had to start somewhere, I hoped, not too new, but I knew the five days until the end of the month were a sure deal to me.

The folded piece of paper was like the most precious thing I had ever received. It contained everything I needed to know about my future life, and I was at the same time eager to read it and full of dread about what it could say.

I think that might be one of the most courageous things I have ever done, Diane.

Courage isn't always in big gestures, it can also be found in the most common acts of everyday life. This was one of those times.

...

_From: Personnel, Washington D.C_

_To: Lt. Harmon Rabb, Jr. USN._

_Here by the present letter are all the information required concerning the current state of your duties._

_Your previous service records allowed you to directly apply to a land-based location, your mandatory tours at sea being previously fulfilled. Thereby, you will be assigned to the JAG Headquarters in Falls Church, Virginia, starting on Monday, March 6__th__, 1995. _

_You are to report at precisely 0800 at the security entrance, in order to receive your accreditations and clearance to the building._

_You will be serving under Rear Admiral Upper Half J. Drake, at the current location for a minimal period of eighteen months. Only at the end of this first term will you be allowed to put in a request for transfer to another JAG office. I strongly advise you to refer to your Commanding Officer for any further question or information that would not be provided here._

_Signed _

_The Secretary of the Navy_

...

It's hardly is the first letter I receive like this, I know. I was telling myself that every time before opening it. Still, I feel like my life is about to change. I don't know how, I don't know when, I just feel it. It's like my insides are telling me to enjoy the time I have now, because it won't last. I wish I could shake that feeling. I do. There is nothing I'd like to change in my life. Or maybe I'd like to see you more. But, see where I'm going? I will be able to see you more. When you won't be all over the world, at least. Apart from that, there is nothing wrong with my life. Nothing I can fix anyway.

But it is the beginning of a new life. The second beginning. I just take things from the old one, like you, and integrate them into the new setting. It's not really romantic, is it? Well, put it simply, it's just a rendition of the facts, without caring for anything human, or subjective. But you are not old in any way. I'm just making sure you got my point right. I'm sure you did, it's your job to decrypt lines of characters. This is no exception.

Back when the old life started, I had just graduated Miramar, and I was eight years younger. I was so eager, so happy, I was finally living my dream.

Today, I have graduated, but it is law school. I am eager, because I know I can make a difference, even if it's to one person. Before, I was doing one act that could save or destroy a lot. Today, the scale is just a little lower. The purpose is the same. Destroy guilty people – if I don't have to defend them, of course – and help the innocent. It might seem naïve, but it is how I see the world. I know not everyone is always innocent, but with the law, you are charged on one or several grounds, and everything else is just a help that can go in or against your favor. What counts is that you do your job, and that you do it well.

I must admit I was relieved. To stay in the country, to only have a three hour drive to Norfolk. Starting when you're coming back, I hope we'll see more of each other. You're my ultimate best friend Diane, and with you there always was something more, something that is comfortable, staying in the back, present but undemonstrated. This is something I will always relish in, no matter how old I live. You always were there for me, when I was the pilot, now that I am the pencil pusher. I was always there for you, too.

This is a new life. With touches of comfortable ancient.

There is no other way I would like to live.

Today was one of the best days of my life.

...

P.S.: I know you will excuse the lack of greeting at the beginning of this letter, you always do. I was just so impatient to start writing, sitting on my balcony floor. I am done now, and I can't wait for you to receive it. You know how I feel about you.

Harm

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**Hope you liked it. See you next month, on March 16.**


	3. Letters of a changing future

**But isn't it March 16? I do believe it is. So, here I come, on time, to deliver the next chapter. It's Harm, again. I had been so busy lately I had no time to write. It should change, or at least I hope so. Thank you for the support!**

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March 16, 1996  
Harm's apartment  
224B 8th Street  
0351 ZULU – 0851 local

Dear Mom

I wish I could come here and see you, but the life I have prevents me from doing so much… I'm not complaining, last year I was scared I would not enjoy it, or fit in, and here I am, more than a year later, and I have yet to be defeated. Work is good. I do enjoy it, you have no idea. I'm some sort of a legend here, too. I miss flying so much, too. Sarah is fine for vacation, as it is I will go to Gams in a short while, but what I miss the most is the adrenaline and the power and the speed of my old rides. My body's limitations are what they are, and it's not really something I accepted, I just have to live with it. There are things I can't do anymore. I have flown for eight years, but I'd give a lot to be able to go up again…

Honestly, Mom, I'm good. I'm just thinking a lot lately. Okay, so lately have been occurring only for an hour and a half, but I'm still thinking a lot. Because there is another thing my life prevents me from doing.

Diane left, again. But this time, it's different. I've never felt the effects as strongly as I do now. The never changing state of our relationship, our untold love… I thought I was okay with it, and I think I was. The Navy brought her into my life, and I will always be grateful to it for that. But now, sitting alone in my apartment so close to the Navy Yard it wakes me up every morning, I realize that I'm not anymore. She's just left and I feel more alone than ever.

When she came to visit, we both thought she was going to stay for some time, like she always does. She's an always nomad, never settling down, and I have enjoyed to put her up for weeks at a time so much, our sleeping in different rooms never bothered me. She always had a key to my home, in case I was on deployment, and she knew my apartment always had a room ready for her. She had been staying for only three weeks, mom. Her next deployment wasn't until June. Or so we thought.

She always had an address, so that the Navy could not find anything out. When I was flying, we rarely spent time together, but she told me in her letters when she was with me. _'I arrived home'_, she used to say. She was the first to see me after I had been transferred back to mainland after the ramp strike. She was here until she had to leave, and I thank God she was there for the inquiry. Things were a little different when I had to stop flying. She was spending two or three months with me, then going to see other friends. I was so okay with it, plus I knew if she stayed more, the Navy could begin to notice something, and we both never wanted that to happen.

It's a weird relationship we had. We never exchanged more than a couple kisses a year, and we never pushed it further. We went on dates, but not with each other. And we never brought said dates home. We presented the other, if time came to talk about it, as a roommate. And that's what we were. Roommates, in every way but one. I don't think I ever introduced one of my dates to her. I wanted it to be very serious first, and it was never the case. She introduced me to someone a long time ago, but he let her go the minute he saw her roommate was a guy. She never did it again. We were the one constant in the other's life.

Here comes the 'but one'. I don't think any in love couple would have made it go on so long, as we have. Our arrangement came gradually, but it still passed the ten years mileage at the beginning of this one. Her land line was transferred to her cell, and we were so grateful the Navy looked the other way as long as we could not be charged with conduct unbecoming.

So, we were all set up, this time, to stay together at least until May, or maybe she was going to go away while staying here to see friends, we had not really discussed it. She was here, and I didn't want to know anything else. She had surprisingly greeted me with a light kiss when she met me for the first time this year, so nothing could be wrong. Well, until that damn call last week. She took it, and her face changed. I was worried, and her telling me she was only staying a week more did nothing to change it. I didn't let it show, though. I didn't want to. I just wanted to enjoy the last few days we could spend together this time as much as I could. So, I did.

But she still left. I kissed her just before she did, so we had exchanged as much as we could for the year. I don't care, I needed it. We both did.

We only had three weeks.

That's when it did it. The second she closed my door, something came crushing me like a bulldozer. I was angry at the Navy for taking her to do a replacement on the Seehawk. Then, I started to be angry at it for other things. I didn't even think about work, because like I said, it's my body who won't let me do what I want, not the Navy. Plus being a legend at HQ is enough for me for the moment. Kate was nice but only a fling, and Meg is a great partner. I felt something else missing. The Navy is controlling every part of my life, and I never realized how much until now. It's the reason I was okay with the stupid arrangement for so long. I never realized that my yearly Diane fix could be taken away with a phone call.

I was so scared of conduct unbecoming, even more of fraternization, that I let it rule my life. I was okay with it, I really was. I thought work was more important. It is important, but I didn't have only work. I was living sometime in the year with the one I've been in love with for so long. You can have other priorities when you're living as we are. But it's not enough for me, not anymore. I already know when she's coming back. May 27th. Two months, a little more even, away from her. I was prepared, deep down, for her next deployment. Never for this one. I can't go on like this anymore. We let careers take over, and I don't think I can do that anymore. I'm not flying anymore. I can practice law somewhere else, and a 'never been defeated' on my service record will do very well to find employment. I'm not worried. I will stay the year round home, and she will be there when she's not being deployed. There will be no more conduct unbecoming, no more fraternization. Maybe I knew, when we met, all those years ago, that I would be settling in with her. She's my life, and it's time I made it official. There is only one thing I am waiting for now, her call, her arrival, on the evening of May 27, to begin our new life. We will have to talk, and I sincerely hope she will see this is the best way for us now. I don't want her to change anything. I just can't go on like this, sacrificing my life for my work. My dream life ended in '91 with my crash.

It's time I live in reality, and make the best for it.

I never said _I love you _directly to her, but I can't wait. I can't wait for her to return, I can't wait for our life to change. If o could, I'd make it official before she went back to deployment. I can't wait to see you, even if you say 'I told you so'.

I can't wait for the future.

Harm

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**See you on April 13, with Mac.**


End file.
